Your value isn’t up for debate. But your patterns might be.
UNLOOP
Stop repeating patterns born of childhood trauma.
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The Unloop framework includes prompts to help you personalize each of the five steps — from identifying your loop type to writing affirmations and creating a plan for change.
You can use your own AI service — or click the button to use our version, trained on the full Unloop framework.
Nothing is saved by default, but if you enable memory in ChatGPT, your AI can start learning from your insights and grow with you.
The Childhood Trauma Relationship Loop
If you were hurt, neglected, or confused by the people who were supposed to love you as a child, you may have developed survival strategies that kept you safe back then—but hurt you now.
We call this the Loop.
And it’s made up of three parts.
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1. FEAR
It isn’t just a feeling. It’s a trauma response.
When something felt dangerous or unpredictable as a child—a parent’s anger, silence, absence, or disapproval—we couldn’t fight it. So we froze, shut down, or turned inward.
These trauma responses often looked like:
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Not speaking up, because it might make things worse
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Checking out mentally to escape the moment
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Believing we were the problem
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Trying harder to be lovable, quiet, or helpful
That wasn’t weakness. That was survival.
But now, when we feel tension in adult relationships, those same patterns take over—keeping us silent, compliant, or consumed with self-doubt, even when we’re being mistreated.
2. FIBS
The lies we tell ourselves to protect the bond. As kids, we couldn’t risk believing that the people caring for us were incapable of real love. So we told ourselves something else—anything else. That habit sticks.
We still tell ourselves: “They didn’t mean it.” “It’s not that bad.” “I’m being too sensitive.”
Fibs allow us to maintain the connection, even when it hurts. They help us survive emotionally—by preserving hope at the cost of truth.
3. FANTASY
The story we build tomake the pain make sense.
When someone hurts us, we try to empathize with why. We imagine what they must have been through. We project pain onto them. We inflate their depth and their wounds—not out of foolishness, but because it’s how we justify staying.
In fantasy, we think:
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“They just don’t know how to love—I can help them.”
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“If I’m patient enough, things will get better.”
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“They’re amazing underneath it all—I just need to reach that part of them.”
This kind of empathy turns into projection—and we begin elevating their value over our own. Fantasy gives us a reason to stay invested. But it also keeps us trapped in something that isn’t real
How To Unloop
Building Your
Value Equation
You don’t break the loop by force.
You break it with clarity.
Your Value Equation helps you define what you need, recognize when it’s missing, and choose differently—without guilt or fantasy.
We will share the whole process with you here.
Just work your way through each of the steps that follow.
The Unloop Protocol covers five steps.
Let’s start by moving through the first three together.
MY PERSONAL PILLARS
Notice When Your Values
Are Ignored
This becomes your filter—so you're not just hoping for better, you're checking for alignment
Once you’ve named your truths, this tool helps you translate them into non-negotiable standards—the things you need to see, feel, and experience in order to feel safe and seen.
You’ll define:
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Core values
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Grounding practices
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Proof you’re living in alignment
VALUE
FRAMEWORK
Stop Shrinking Yourself to Maintain Connection
This is how you stop negotiating your worth to maintain a connection that doesn’t serve you.
This is where you plug your values into real relationships.
The calculator gives you a framework to:
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Ask honest questions
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Score behavior
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Reflect on what’s been real—not what you’ve hoped for
Defining My True Self
This is where I map the terrain of my emotional world — my unmet needs, my hidden wounds, and what brings me back to life.
1
This is not a one-time reflection. This is a living record of who I am becoming. I will revisit it regularly and ask:
What would it look like to protect this truth in a relationship?
This is where I map the terrain of my emotional world — my unmet needs, my hidden wounds, and what brings me back to life.
This is not a one-time reflection. This is a living record of who I am becoming. I will revisit it regularly and ask: What would it look like to protect this truth in a relationship?
Defining My True Self
DESIRES
WHAT DO I WANT
What do I truly want — from life, from love, from peace?
ANSWER THESE
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When do I feel emotionally safe — and why?
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What kind of love or friendship makes me feel like I can breathe deeply?
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What’s something I want that I’ve convinced myself I don’t deserve?
WOUNDS
WHAT HURTS ME
What still stings, echoes, or keeps me small?
ANSWER THESE
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What was I told about my worth growing up?
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When did I first learn that being “too much” meant being left?
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How does past pain show up when I try to connect now?
ENERGIES
WHAT FUELS ME
What makes me feel most alive, seen, and true?
ANSWER THESE
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When was the last time I felt lit up by something I was doing?
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Who helps me feel more like myself when I’m around them?
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What activities make me feel like I’ve returned to my center?
CONGRATULATIONS!
That was hard work.
Those answers are going to help you create
YOUR NORTH STAR.
Your North Star is not who you’re trying to become.
It’s who you already are — once you stop looping.
Use this AI prompt to create your North Star
I’ve reflected on my core self and what I need to feel emotionally safe and whole.
Here are my answers from a self-discovery exercise:
Desires:
[Paste your answers]
Wounds:
[Paste your answers]
Energies:
[Paste your answers]
Can you write a short paragraph that weaves these into a clear, empowering Personal North Star — something I can return to when I forget who I am or what I need?
Please keep the tone reflective and grounded. I don’t want it to sound overly polished or spiritual — just something I could read to remind myself of my truth.
Review Your North Star
Read the paragraph aloud.
Ask yourself:
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Does this sound like me?
-
Is there anything I want to add or remove to make it feel more personal?
-
Does it reflect the person I’m becoming — not just who I’ve been?
Feel free to tweak or reword it.
This is your voice, your truth.
Save Your North Star
Once it feels right:
-
Paste it into your journal
-
Write it on a card and keep it near your mirror or workspace
North Stars users have shared with us...
“I feel most like myself when I’m not managing someone else’s emotions. I need relationships where tenderness is the default — not something I earn by being perfect. I’ve spent a lifetime being quiet to keep the peace, but silence never gave me safety. I am allowed to take up space, ask for softness, and be held with care.”
“I used to think I had to be easy to love to be worthy of love. Now I know: I need effort, clarity, and mutual energy. If I have to explain my worth, I’m in the wrong room. My presence is powerful — and I don’t stay where I’m made to feel small.”
“I come alive when I feel chosen — not just tolerated. I’ve learned to pay attention to who makes me feel safe being exactly who I am. I won’t abandon my truth for someone else’s comfort anymore. I am joy, depth, and light — and I deserve to be met with the same.”
“I spent my childhood trying to predict who I needed to be. I’m done shape-shifting. I need calm honesty, consistent effort, and real emotional reciprocity. When I feel like I have to manage someone to be loved, I now take that as a red flag — not a challenge. I don’t heal in confusion. I heal in clarity.”
A Gentle Invitation to go further:
Your North Star - a poem
If it feels right, you can ask your AI to help you turn your reflections into something you can keep — a quiet poem, or a small song, stitched together from your own truth.
You might simply ask:
"From my answers, could you create a short poem or song that captures my Personal North Star — something I can hold close when I need to remember who I am?"
There’s no need to polish it.
It’s yours — a light to carry, just as it is.
YOU'RE READY TO MOVE TO STEP 2
We’re so glad you’re here.
If you can feel the impact of Unloop starting to take hold — we’ve created a few ways for you to deepen your practice.
Whether you prefer journaling quietly, checking in daily, or getting personalized insight, you can continue unlooping in a way that fits your rhythm.
Go deeper with tools designed to hold you.
Each of the below resources offers a more interactive way to unloop — at your pace, in your way.
Use one, use them all - they provide you valuable insights together and on their own
Unloop Notion Tracker
A digital home for your unlooping process.
Track your patterns, log your relationships, and reflect on your wins — all in one calm, private space.
COMING
SOON
Interactive Book Download
Prefer a more guided experience?
This printable workbook lets you carry your insights offline — and takes you deeper into the Unloop journey.
It includes:
-
Reflective prompts and space to track your relationships
-
A personalized assessment to uncover your emotional loop, attachment style, inner voice, and archetype — the core of your Unloop profile
-
Strategy sections to help you apply what you’ve discovered in real life
This is the only way to access the full in-depth assessment and receive your unique survival profile.
COMING
SOON
2
BUILDING MY PERSONAL PILLARS
This is the scaffolding I build to meet my needs, protect my growth, and reinforce my worth.
This becomes my daily reference point. My receipts. My proof. I will come back here to celebrate how far I’ve come — and to stay steady in who I am becoming.
FOUNDATIONS
WHAT I STAND ON
What within me can I trust — even when things are hard?
ANSWER THESE
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What are three traits I consistently rely on when things get hard?
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When have I surprised myself with my strength, clarity, or compassion?
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What instinct or gut feeling has been right before?
PRACTICES
DAILY ALIGNMENTS
What habits remind me who I am?
ANSWER THESE
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What habits ground me and help me feel like myself again?
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What’s something I do that brings me peace, even if no one sees it?
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What rituals help me return to center when I feel scattered?
PROOF
HOW I SHOW UP FOR MYSELF
How do I behave when I’m valuing myself?
ANSWER THESE
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When did I recently act in a way that honored my worth?
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What does boundary-setting look like when I’m showing up for myself?
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How would I act if I fully believed I was already enough?
CONGRATULATIONS!
You are giving so much to yourself!
This is the level of love that you deserve!
The answers you just generated are going to help you create
AFFIRMATIONS AND CELEBRATIONS
Affirmations and Celebration Statements work together to anchor you in truth.
Affirmations remind you of who you are and what you’re no longer willing to forget — they are your steady voice when fear, fib, or fantasy tries to take over.
Celebration Statements are the proof: real moments where you honored yourself, so you never lose sight of what you're capable of.
Together, they help you remember your worth and act from it.
Use this AI prompt to create your Affirmations
I’ve reflected on my core values and grounding practices.
Here are some of the truths and habits I want to live by:
Foundations:
[Paste your answers]
Practices:
[Paste your answers]
Can you write 7-9 affirmations that reflect these values and practices in a grounded, emotionally honest voice?
Keep the tone true to me — not too fluffy or spiritual. Something I’d actually say to myself.
Review Your Affirmations
Read the affirmations aloud.
Feel free to tweak or reword them.
This is your voice, your truth.
Mark the ones that feel true, calming, empowering, or energizing
We will use those to build your Affirmation Stack
Your affirmations are neural blueprints. Each time you speak them, you’re not just hoping—they’re proof you’re building a different pattern. Your nervous system hears: This is who we are now.
Use this AI prompt to create your Celebrations
I’ve been tracking moments in my life where I honored my self-worth.
These are real things I’ve done that helped me break old patterns:
[Paste what you wrote in the PROOF section]
Can you help me turn these into 3–5 short “reminder statements”?
I want them to sound like emotional evidence — things I can read when I feel unsure or like I’m slipping.
Keep them grounded, strong, and written in my voice. Nothing too motivational or vague — just truthful
Review Your Celebrations
Read the celebrations aloud.
Feel free to tweak or reword them.
Your Celebrations are the receipts.
They tell your nervous system: We’ve been here before — and we chose differently.
This is your self-worth toolkit.
It’s not just about repeating mantras — it’s about giving your nervous system the language it needs to stay anchored in truth.
Your stack contains 4 types of affirmations — each for a different emotional moment. You’ve already written or generated dozens of affirmations. Now you’ll take a few moments to sort them into your stack — so they’re ready when you need them most.
Build Your
Affirmation Stack
Reinforce your standards
VALUE ANCHORS
Pick 1–3 affirmations to hold the line. They are the voice of your boundaries — the part of you that says, “I’m not going back there.”
You use them when you’re tempted to:
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Over-explain
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Justify bad behavior
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Stay quiet to avoid tension
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Rationalize misalignment
How to Choose Them:
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Revisit your Pillars (Clarity, Reciprocity, Safety, etc.)
-
Look at your full list of affirmations
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Select the ones that say: “This is who I am. This is what I need.”
Ask Yourself:
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Which line reminds me what I no longer compromise on?
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Which one helps me stay in alignment when I want to slip back into the loop?
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Does this directly reflect one of my values?
EMERGENCY GROUNDERS
For Spiral Moments
Pick 1–2 simple, soothing affirmations to keep in reach when you’re dysregulated. When you feel panic, shutdown, or confusion — these are your emotional first-aid lines.
How to Pick Them:
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Imagine you’re feeling overwhelmed or unsafe
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Read each affirmation as if you’re speaking to your inner child
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Choose what calms you — not what “inspires” you
Ask Yourself:
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Does this slow my heart rate or help me breathe deeper?
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Would I say this to a friend who’s hurting?
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Does it remind me I’m allowed to pause?
Every Day Truths
DAILY CORE
Pick 3–5 affirmations you want to carry with you daily. Use these to set the tone, stay rooted, and speak to the version of you that’s no longer looping.
How to Pick Them:
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Read each affirmation out loud
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Pay attention to your body
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Choose the ones that make you feel calm, clear, or lit up inside
Ask Yourself:
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Does this feel true to me — even if it’s still a little scary?
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Would I want to hear this every morning?
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Does this help me stop chasing, fixing, or shrinking?
Celebrations
Receipts of your growth
CELEBRATION STATEMENTS
These are the receipts of your growth.
Read them when you forget how strong, clear, or self-honoring you’ve already been.
They remind you that you’re not “becoming” someone new — you’re already being her. Celebration Statements are built from real moments where you honored your self-worth:
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A boundary you held
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A relationship you paused
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A day you rested instead of chasing
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A truth you spoke
How to Create Them:
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Go to your “Proof” section in My Personal Pillars
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Choose 2–3 moments where you surprised yourself with your growth
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Ask: “What did I prove to myself in this moment?”
Write a statement like:
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“I’ve already shown myself I can set a boundary and survive it.”
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“I’ve walked away before — and my world didn’t collapse.”
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“I’ve chosen peace over fantasy. That wasn’t easy, but it was real.”
Create a
Self-Love Ritual
It takes 2–5 minutes. No extra tools. Just you and your truth.
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Choose a quiet moment (morning coffee, end of the day, or any moment you need reconnection)
-
Read your Daily Core affirmations out loud
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Feel them land in your body
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Let them set the tone or reset your thinking
-
-
Repeat your Emergency Grounder if you’re in distress
-
Even whisper it if needed — it’s your nervous system’s hand on your shoulder
-
-
If you’re facing a hard relationship moment, read your Value Anchors
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Ask yourself: “Which of my Pillars needs protecting right now?”
-
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End with a Celebration Statement
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Remind yourself: You’ve already done something brave. You’re not starting from zero.
-
Your Stack isn’t a performance.
It’s a practice.
You don’t have to believe it perfectly.
You just have to return to it consistently.
YOU'RE READY TO MOVE TO STEP 3
We’re so glad you’re here.
If you can feel the impact of Unloop starting to take hold — we’ve created a few ways for you to deepen your practice.
Whether you prefer journaling quietly, checking in daily, or getting personalized insight, you can continue unlooping in a way that fits your rhythm.
Go deeper with tools designed to hold you.
Each of the below resources offers a more interactive way to unloop — at your pace, in your way.
Use one, use them all - they provide you valuable insights together and on their own
Unloop Notion Tracker
A digital home for your unlooping process.
Track your patterns, log your relationships, and reflect on your wins — all in one calm, private space.
COMING
SOON
Interactive Book Download
with In Depth Assessment
Prefer a more guided experience?
This printable workbook lets you carry your insights offline — and takes you deeper into the Unloop journey.
It includes:
-
Reflective prompts and space to track your relationships
-
A personalized assessment to uncover your emotional loop, attachment style, inner voice, and archetype — the core of your Unloop profile
-
Strategy sections to help you apply what you’ve discovered in real life
This is the only way to access the full in-depth assessment and receive your unique survival profile.
COMING
SOON
You don’t have to chase VALUE — it reveals itself in how someone moves through your life. Once you know what to look for, you can never unsee it.
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3
THE
VALUE FRAMEWORK
Each letter in VALUE is a lens — and together, they create the standard by which all your relationships can be measured.
You’ve spent your whole life trying to earn connection.
The VALUE Framework shows you what it actually means to be valued — not just needed or chased, but truly seen and met.
If you experienced childhood trauma, you may have learned that love meant sacrifice, connection meant self-abandonment, and being “good” meant making yourself small so others could stay comfortable.
That’s not love.
That’s survival training.
Its time to stop surviving and begin flourishing.
What follows will help you unlearn the story that your needs are too much — and re-learn how to recognize when a relationship reflects your worth.
In a strong relationship each partner demonstrates all of these things...
Voluntary Effort
They show up of their own will — not just when you ask or plead.
Love doesn’t require chasing
You don’t have to keep earning it
Alignment with
Your Pillars
The relationship reflects the values you already said matter to you.
You don’t have to explain or abandon what’s important to you
They’re walking in the same direction
Listening With Intention
They don’t just hear you — they respond with care, curiosity, or change.
Active listening
Willingness to evolve
Unforced Respect
They treat you with respect — even when you're not at your best.
No punishment for vulnerability
No withholding, controlling, or shaming
Emotional
Reciprocity
What you give emotionally comes back in some form — not as an obligation, but as care.
You’re not carrying the emotional labor alone
The relationship flows in both directions
The Unloop Protocol covers five steps.
We have reached the final two.
4
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THE
VALUE INDICATOR
Now that you understand how to identify someone who values you we will assess our relationships.
This process isn't about finding proof you're lovable — you already are. It's about discovering who truly honors that love.
Your Value Indicator - A Living Reflection of Your Relationship.
The VALUE Indicator is not a snapshot of one moment in time.
It’s a way to track the real patterns in a relationship — the rhythms of effort, respect, listening, and reciprocity that either build trust… or erode it.
You’re not measuring isolated events.
You’re learning to see what’s real, repeated, and reliable.
-
Check in regularly — especially with important or evolving relationships.
-
Notice trends — Are things steadily growing stronger? Staying stuck? Getting more inconsistent?
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Look for the story the patterns tell, not just the highs or lows of a single moment.
Patterns tell the truth that moments sometimes hide.
You are going to pick a relationship and evaluate it.
Each letter of VALUE points to a key part of healthy connection:
V — Voluntary Effort
A — Alignment with Your Pillars
L — Listening with Intention
U — Unforced Respect
E — Emotional Reciprocity
For each one, you’ll:
-
Reflect using the journal prompt.
-
Score what’s real, repeated, and reliable — from 1 (Not at all true) to 5 (Absolutely true).
For each point, you’ll:
-
Reflect using the journal prompt.
-
Score what’s real, repeated, and reliable — from 1 (Not at all true) to 5 (Absolutely true).
Voluntary Effort
Reflection
When was the last time they showed up without being asked?
Do I feel like I have to “perform” to keep this bond alive?
Score
How true is this, based on real experience?
(1 = Not at all true |
5 = Absolutely true)
How real, repeated, and reliable is voluntary effort from them?
1 2 3 4 5
Alignment with my Pillars
Reflection
Which of my Pillars are being honored — and which are being ignored?
Have I been compromising something important just to maintain connection?
Score
How true is this, based on real experience?
(1 = Not at all true |
5 = Absolutely true)
How aligned are they with what matters most to me?
1 2 3 4 5
Listening with Intention
Reflection
When I express a need, how do they respond?
Do I feel heard… or just managed?
Score
How true is this, based on real experience?
(1 = Not at all true |
5 = Absolutely true)
How real, repeated, and reliable is intentional listening from them?
1 2 3 4 5
Unforced Respect
Reflection
Has this person ever used silence, sarcasm, or shame to punish me?
Do I feel safe being imperfect around them?
Score
How true is this, based on real experience?
(1 = Not at all true |
5 = Absolutely true)
How real, repeated, and reliable is their respect, even in hard moments?
1 2 3 4 5
Emotional Reciprocity
Reflection
Do I feel emotionally nourished in this relationship — or emotionally depleted?
Who does most of the holding here?
Score
How true is this, based on real experience?
(1 = Not at all true |
5 = Absolutely true)
How real, repeated, and reliable is emotional reciprocity from them?
1 2 3 4 5
22-25
Strong, Aligned Connection
This relationship is grounded in respect, effort, and emotional nourishment. It's likely safe, supportive, and good for your growth.
18-21
Generally Positive, Minor Gaps
This relationship is mostly healthy, but there may be small areas to watch, tend, or communicate about.
14-17
Mixed Signals, Proceed with Caution
There's significant inconsistency. You may feel torn, unseen, or depleted sometimes. Trust your hesitations.
10-13
Misalignment, Potential Harm
There are recurring patterns of neglect, disrespect, or emotional imbalance. You deserve more safety and reciprocity.
5-9
Red Flag Relationship
The foundation is unstable or harmful. This bond may be draining, damaging, or built on false hope. Care, protect, and prioritize yourself.
Scoring
Scoring is not a performance. It’s a quiet act of noticing.
You’re simply answering:
How real, repeated, and reliable has this been in my experience with this person?
Anchor Yourself Here:
You are not looking for the "best" number.
You are honoring your truth — so you can act from a place of reality, not illusion.
YOU'RE READY TO MOVE TO STEP 5
We’re so glad you’re here.
If you can feel the impact of Unloop starting to take hold — we’ve created a few ways for you to deepen your practice.
Whether you prefer journaling quietly, checking in daily, or getting personalized insight, you can continue unlooping in a way that fits your rhythm.
Go deeper with tools designed to hold you.
Each of the below resources offers a more interactive way to unloop — at your pace, in your way.
Use one, use them all - they provide you valuable insights together and on their own
Unloop Notion Tracker
A digital home for your unlooping process.
Track your patterns, log your relationships, and reflect on your wins — all in one calm, private space.
COMING
SOON
COMING
SOON
Interactive Book Download
with In Depth Assessment
Prefer a more guided experience?
This printable workbook lets you carry your insights offline — and takes you deeper into the Unloop journey.
It includes:
-
Reflective prompts and space to track your relationships
-
A personalized assessment to uncover your emotional loop, attachment style, inner voice, and archetype — the core of your Unloop profile
-
Strategy sections to help you apply what you’ve discovered in real life
This is the only way to access the full in-depth assessment and receive your unique survival profile.
COMING
SOON
COMING
SOON
The Unloop Protocol is what you turn to when a relationship isn’t valuing you the way you deserve. It’s the path you take when the pattern flashes RED FLAG — a sign that it’s time to pause, reflect, and protect your truth.
You've got this...
5
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THE
UNLOOP PROTOCOL
The goal isn't to fix them.
The goal isn't to fix you.
The goal is to break the cycle — and to choose yourself instead.
The Unloop Protocol helps you see harmful patterns clearly — and take decisive, self-respecting action to change the relationship or step away.
STEP 1
Identify
the Loop
What survival mode tools are you using in this relationship?
Fear? Fib? or Fantasy?
Why
Naming the loop turns unconscious survival into conscious choice — and conscious choice is how you heal.
Ask Yourself
What old fear, excuse, or fantasy have I been clinging to in this relationship — and what has it cost me?
STEP 2
Return to Your Truth
Ground yourself in North Star and affirmations
Why
Returning to your truth anchors you in who you are — not who fear, guilt, or fantasy would make you become.
Ask Yourself
What old fear, excuse, or fantasy have I been clinging to in this relationship — and what has it cost me?
STEP 3
Interrupt the Loop
Ask yourself what is real if nothing changes
Why
Interrupting the fantasy frees you from waiting for someone else's growth — and empowers you to choose your own.
Ask Yourself
If I knew for certain they would never change, what would I stop waiting for — and what would I start building for myself?
STEP 4
Choose Your Exit Strategy
Step Back?
Close?
Reset with Clarity?
Why
Choosing your exit energy puts the power back in your hands — so you act from self-respect, not reaction.
Ask Yourself
What kind of ending — or boundary — would feel most aligned with my dignity and peace?
STEP 5
Recover & Rise
Resist the urge to revert; honor your healing
Why
Recovery isn’t just about leaving the loop — it’s about refusing to go back to what hurt you once you’re free.
Ask Yourself
When I feel the urge to return to the loop, what truth do I want to remind myself of?
You have just done something extraordinary
You have already done the hardest part:
You chose to value yourself.
Choosing to walk through this process — to look clearly at your patterns, to name your truth, and to build a plan rooted in self-respect — is an incredible act of courage.
You didn’t just hope for change — you created a plan to protect your peace, honor your healing, and act with clarity. And having a plan is how real change begins — not with fear, not with fib, not with fantasy, but with your own hands, steady on the life you're building.
Don't Panic -
We Know What You Are Worried About
What about the actions you’ll need to take to change the relationships that aren’t valuing you?
How do I do it?
What exactly should I say?
What’s the right tone?
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There’s no one "right" way to step back, reset, or close a relationship — because it’s your truth that matters.
But you don’t have to face the blank page alone.
The prompts below will help you reflect and build a path forward.
If you’ve also completed the interactive assessment in the workbook, you can upload your profile to your AI assistant.
This allows the AI to take your unique emotional strengths into account — helping you craft a plan that’s not just thoughtful, but truly tailored to how you move through the world.
COMING
SOON
COMING
SOON
If you are
STEPPING BACK
I’ve reflected on my relationship pattern and my VALUE Indicator.
Here’s what I discovered:
Pattern:
[Insert the main recurring issue you noticed, e.g., "They only make an effort when I chase them."]
Impact on Me:
[Insert how it makes you feel, e.g., "I feel unseen, anxious, and exhausted."]
What I Want Moving Forward:
[Insert the kind of relationship dynamic you want, e.g., "Mutual effort, respect for my boundaries, and emotional reciprocity."]
Based on this, can you help me:
Step back quietly, preserving my peace without confrontation. Please suggest wording, approaches, and mindset reminders that stay grounded, respectful, and true to my self-worth.
If you are EXITING THE RELATIONSHIP
I’ve reflected on my relationship pattern and my VALUE Indicator.
Here’s what I discovered:
Pattern:
[Insert the main recurring issue you noticed, e.g., "They disregard my boundaries and expect me to overextend."]
Impact on Me:
[Insert how it makes you feel, e.g., "I feel invisible, resentful, and emotionally drained."]
What I Want Moving Forward:
[Insert the kind of life or relationships you want, e.g., "I want relationships where mutual respect and emotional care are consistent and real."]
Based on this, can you help me:
-
Write a message or conversation script that respectfully but firmly closes the relationship.
-
Express my decision clearly without blaming or over-explaining.
-
Protect my dignity and peace in the process.
Please keep the tone emotionally honest, calm, and self-respecting — not angry, apologetic, or defensive.
If you are
RE-SETTING BOUNDARIES
I’ve reflected on my relationship pattern and my VALUE Indicator.
Here’s what I discovered:
Pattern:
[Insert the main recurring issue you noticed, e.g., "They often ignore my stated boundaries or push past my limits."]
Impact on Me:
[Insert how it makes you feel, e.g., "I feel disrespected, anxious, and responsible for managing their emotions."]
What I Want Moving Forward:
[Insert the kind of interaction you want, e.g., "I want a relationship where my boundaries are heard, honored, and respected without guilt."]
Based on this, can you help me:
-
Write a conversation script or message to clearly reset my boundaries in this relationship.
-
Make it clear what will change and what I need in order to continue connection.
-
Keep the tone firm but respectful — open to healthy rebuilding, but not dependent on it.
Please keep the tone self-assured, direct, and compassionate — avoiding anger, guilt, or apology.
Endings can be beginnings.
Every choice you make is a step toward yourself.
Choosing your path is a powerful act — you’re moving from surviving to thriving. Along the way, your Celebration Statements are there to remind you: you’ve been strong before, and you’re strong now. If you need extra support, we also have a guided meditation in the Resources section below to help you move through the feelings that can come with ending a relationship
RESOURCES
These books, podcasts, and organizations offer support, language, and tools for anyone working through the impact of childhood trauma.
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There is no one path to healing. Take what resonates. Leave what doesn't. Trust that you have the right to gather what you need, in the ways that nourish you best.
Support the Work
If you’ve purchased our tools — thank you. Your support keeps this project alive.
If simply using the site gave you what you needed to take a step forward on your healing journey, we’re honored to have played a part.
If you feel moved, consider leaving a tip to help us continue creating trauma-informed, emotionally honest resources for anyone doing the hard work of change.
Every tip fuels our mission — and reminds us that this work matters.
The Video that Started it All
In this unforgettable moment from The Oprah Winfrey Show (TOWS), New York Times best-selling author and pioneering counselor John Bradshaw gently guides the audience through an exercise that opens the door to healing childhood wounds.
We invite you to watch this video when you can give yourself the gift of time — time to meet your inner child, perhaps for the very first time, and to sit with whatever feelings surface. Healing begins with reflection, compassion, and the courage to be present with yourself.
Breaking Free to Heal
In Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, clinical psychologist Dr. Lindsay C. Gibson challenges the belief that you must stay tied to hurtful relationships out of duty. She shows how emotional immaturity in parents can damage children into adulthood—and how reclaiming your peace may sometimes mean walking away.
We encourage you to take your time with this material, especially if you’re ready to choose your own healing over old patterns of guilt or obligation.
Meditate To Shape a Kinder Inner Voice
When your inner voice has been shaped by survival, it can be hard to tell where your thoughts end and your truth begins. Meditation creates a space between you and the noise — so you can start to hear yourself clearly again. Headspace offers guided meditations that are gentle, approachable, and designed to help you build the skill of stillness — even if your mind feels like a storm. Through consistent practice, you can learn how to quiet the parts of you that criticize or catastrophize, and begin forming a relationship with your thoughts that’s more spacious and kind. These moments of quiet don’t erase your pain, but they give you something powerful: the ability to choose how you respond. And over time, that’s how a harsh inner voice becomes a healing one.
Holding Compassion and Boundaries
When someone you love lives with a mental health condition, it can be hard to know how to support them without losing yourself in the process. The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) offers free, peer-led support groups and education programs that help families and friends navigate this delicate balance. Through NAMI, you can learn how to set healthy boundaries, communicate more effectively, and protect your own well-being while still showing up with compassion. These resources remind us that caring for others doesn’t mean abandoning ourselves—and that healing is possible for everyone involved.
A Guided Meditation for Cleansing Relationships and Cutting Cords
In the Unloop process, one of the hardest steps is allowing yourself to move on — not just in action, but in energy. This meditation from Michelle at The Adult Chair is designed to help you cut and release the old, dysfunctional cords that keep you tethered to unhealthy relationship patterns. It doesn’t sever love, connection, or memory — it simply releases the fear, guilt, fantasy, and survival bonds that no longer serve you.
By cutting these cords:
-
You allow the relationship to become what it truly needs to be —
whether that’s a stronger, healthier connection built on mutual respect,
or a clean, compassionate ending. -
You stop feeding the loops that kept you stuck —
and free your energy to connect from a place of truth and wholeness.
The Centre for Healing – Practitioner Directory
Healing is not a one-size-fits-all journey. This directory connects you with exceptional practitioners trained in trauma-informed methods — including Root-Cause Therapy, Embodied Processing, and Trauma-Informed Manifestation Coaching — through The Centre for Healing.
Founded by people with lived experience and built on a vision of deep, integrative healing, The Centre is a global education platform that trains coaches, therapists, and healers in modalities that combine science, spirituality, and nervous system regulation.
Browse the directory to find a practitioner who feels like the right fit for where you are. Each one offers their own unique approach — reach out to learn more about availability, pricing, and how they work.
“When we’re met with a compassionate presence in a safe space, great healing can happen.”
Disclaimer
Unloop is a self-guided educational and introspective tool designed for personal exploration and entertainment purposes only. It does not constitute medical advice, diagnosis, therapy, or treatment of any kind. The content and tools provided by Unloop are not a substitute for professional mental health services or medical care.
Always seek the guidance of a licensed mental health provider or medical professional with any questions you may have regarding your emotional or physical well-being. Use of Unloop does not create a therapist-client or doctor-patient relationship.